Hotel Hit Squad: Raise a glass (or three) to a woke-free Christmas stay at Ockenden Manor

I am not dreaming of a woke Christmas this year. I will not be purchasing a recycled plastic wreath that looks like one they threw away earlier on Blue Peter. I will not be sending e-cards to my friends, to save on paper. Or spending double to rent a re-plantable tree when my snow-tipped fibre-optic one from Argos is still perfectly functional. 

No, as a millennial who looks on with consternation at the increasingly joyless virtue signalling of aspirational consumerism, I will be having a ‘grumpy millen-noel’ Christmas instead. There will be pop-up greetings cards and shimmering wrapping paper aplenty. The number of vegetarian options at my festive feast will be precisely zero (even the carrots…